Cool As Ice
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Cool As Ice  List Price: $92.99 
Customer Reviews: Rating: 
Date: 2007-11-15
Cool as Ice: Vanilla Ice Strikes Back
Oh man, this movie is terrible. It's so friggin terrible that I found myself cracking up the majority of the time. It's so mind numbingly bad that I actually kind of liked watching it. But I just couldn't bring myself to give this crapfest a four or five star rating, no matter how many times I laughed at it. It's basically Vanilla Ice trying to be a badly dressed James Dean with horrid pickup lines. His blindingly neon clothes are something Ronald McDonald would be ashamed to wear.
Of course, there's the scene where he jumps a fence on a motorcycle without any ramp at all. Who needs physics anyway? Oh, and of course the infamous line, "Drop that zero and get with a hero." Do I really need to say anything about that one? Didn't think so. It doesn't help that Vanilla Ice has the acting skills of a piece of driftwood. So if you're bored (and preferably drunk) and want to watch one of the cheesiest movies ever made, pop this one in. Rating: 
Date: 2007-10-09
Ice Makes the Inner-City Safe for Native Drug Dealers
Reprising R. Lee Ermey's role from "Full Metal Jacket" this non-Kubrick directed sequel picks up 20 years after the original with Ermey's character now played by Vanilla Ice and living in South Central L.A. Having been kicked out of the army for literally skull-******* a cadet, (which we are shown in ghastly up-close detail in a sepia-tinged flashback)Ice is a private investigator who starts noticing weird signs appearing in shops in the neighborhood. After a trip to the elementary school library next to his office to look the writing up, he realizes that, yes, his old nemeses the Viet Cong are back and after his hood. Using his neon-yellow, talking motorcycle from the future (voiced by the sonorous and gentle Art Garfunkle) Ice eventually uncovers that the VC are infecting LA's gang-ridden slums with an ultra-powerful form of crack known as Ice-9. Determined to end the VC's reign of terror and win back America's honor after the left-wing inflicted defeat of Viet Nam, Ice and Garfunklebike beat down legions of VC thugs until finally reaching the gang's resurrected zombie leader, Ho Chi Minh (look for a young Jet Li in the role!), and defeating him in an epic battle royale with a little help from WWF fave Rowdy Roddy Piper. The movie ends with Ice and Garfunklebike riding into the sunset discussing name changes since his name is, like, now associated with a deadly form of crack. Though mustering little box-office support upon its release, "Cool as Ice" has since been consistently ranked highly on the AFL's list of 100 Greatest American Films.
FUN FACT: On his death bed Stanley Kubrick expressed regret that he had allowed this gem to slip through his fingers, suggesting that if he had helmed it as originally planned that it would have been ranked above, instead of below "Citizen Kane." Rating: 
Date: 2007-04-12
Get with a hero
With a script from the dream team of Akira Kourisawia and Stanley Kubrick, the pressure was all on the shoulders of director David Kellog. Coming through like a bull in a china shop, Kellog delivers a modern answer to Bergman's "Seventh Seal" that not only uppes the ante, but says, "I'm all in."
Let us not forget the jacket.
With it's leather stiched cries of passion it is reminicent of a classically trained Adler student, it delivers a tour de force in it's delivery of lines like "Sex me up!" ""Down by law" "and "Faith is a torment. It is like loving someone who is out there in the darkness but never appears, no matter how loudly you call."
"Cool As Ice" also employs a number from Pulp Fiction, using the book of Leviticus 3:14 to drop wisdom on us with the quote "Drop that zero and get with the hero."
Method to the end, Ice still resides in the Southern California community that this harrowing documentary was shot in, battling injustice and intolerance with his mighty yellow motorcycle.
Rating:
Date: 2007-01-23
ICE ICE BABY-TOO COLD, TOO COLD!!
Always being a closet vanilla ice fan, I had this movie along time ago and like everyone else I LOVE IT! I have to say the reviews here made me laugh so hard I was crying, it was so great, and made me remeber how crazy stupid and funny this movie is. I know it's lame, but it's the best kind of lame, not taking itself serious, and since Rob is huge now from Surreal Life and the SL games, he is awesome as a heavy metel singer! ICE ICE BABY, TOO COLD, TOO COLD!! anyways yes this movie has the best lines, drop that zero, all of them, priceless!!! I WOULD PAY $1000 BUCKS FOR THIS MOVIE! Just joking, but still want to own this, also if looks could kill with richard greico was as awesome as this movie, hard to find that one as well. Anyways, COOL AS ICE RULES! Rating:
Date: 2006-12-29
Stunning remake of Fritz Lang's "Kalt wie Eis"
This film is of course a remake of Lang's 1930 masterpiece "Kalt wie Eis", which portrayed the descent of German racecar driver Udo Weissjunge into the debauched underworld of Weimar Germany and his eventual triumph over the scathing press which denounced him. Cool As Ice remains true to Lang's expressionist vision and style, but goes further into what might be defined as a Dadaist outlook, turning art on its head and reveling in the "anti-art". The wild colors and styles, along with the random and fragmented dialogue, mock the post industrial, information producing west and its dependence on order and logic. This certainly does not suggest the film is illogical, because even at its most absurd, the commentary becomes clear when viewed in its totality.
Dmitri Shostakovich composed music for an animated version of Alexander Pushkin's tale "The Priest and His Worker Balda", and rather than have the music conform to the film, the film conformed to the music. Director David Kellogg wisely adheres to this idea and allows the eternal Mr. Ice to shape the films direction and properly represent the concept of the humanist serf indentured to his principles. Ice is on a quest for universal morality, and rather than reverting to the comfort which faith and idealism offer to the weaker of the species, he commands his camp followers to "drop the zero and get with the hero". Is he referring to the ancient hero as an exemplar or the more modern, flawed hero? Mr. Ice leaves this open to interpretation, but it is clear he demands more than just casual contemplation, both from his on screen contemporaries and from his audience. The fact that this critically acclaimed work did not win best picture is clear proof of the bankruptcy of the Oscar committee. |
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